It’s October BITCHES!!!! The month of my favorite holiday. Let’s be honest Christmas is overrated, Halloween is the real highlight of the year. It’s the only holiday that exceeds the magic of your childhood. As a child you went skitzo over the anticipation of the best sugar high of the year and awesome costumes. As an adult you go skitzo over the parties, candy, alcohol and R-rated costumes.
Being a poor rager meant I had to get a bit creative concerning my costumes. Here are some of my creations. Maybe you can get some inspiration to raid your closet and see what inexpensive creations you can design.
Where’s Waldo? ($10)
- Red & White Striped Shirt
- Plain White Beanie
- Red Material From Old Red Shirts
Cut red material and my gay BFF sewed stripes onto the beanie and voila you have a striped hat & stripped T-Shirt. Top it off with your prescribed glasses or buy some fake ones at the 99 Cent store.
Josie & The Pussycat Dolls: Meow ($5)
Dress in black, draw in some whiskers and paw prints and voila you’re puurty cat.
Obama Girl ($10)
- Patriotic ribbon
- Iron on – printing paper
Tie red white and blue ribbon anywhere you see fit. On your head as a head band or around your leg fastened to a sexy garter. Iron on “Obama Girl” to a patriotic colored shirt and voila you’re an awesome democrat!
Nicki Minaj / Leather Dominatrix ($20)
- Pink Wig
- Anything (p)leather
Honestly you just need a purple wig and an outrageous outfit for this one. The wig is a bit pricey but it’s a $20 investment for any great outrageous occasion.
Put on your best zebra print or buy some from forever 21 or walmart, be creative with the make up and hair and voila you’re an animal but of course we already knew this.
PS: If you don’t have a gay bff who likes to sew, than Goodwill will fill that void and make sure you look amazing despite your penny pinching ways.
College just didn’t put me in the hole $30,000 it also gave me 30lbs of extra fattage. With the recent downturn in the economy and my unemployment status, I’m learning ways to shed weight without shedding the dough.
My gay anorexic BFF lives by the motto “If you’re hungry today, eat tomorrow!” But let’s face it, this bitch loves cake. Everyone knows they can lose weight and scapegoat exercise equipment and gym memberships by walking, running, and swimming for free. But that gets old and boring and demands too much dedication and hyperventilation.
Instead I’d rather sweat balls and nail something. Although it’s not sex, working out in a Bikram Yoga studio and building houses with Habitat for Humanity is just as hot and satisfies even more of my needs.
Bikram Yoga or Hot Yoga is an intense work out. You sweat like crazy! In a room heated to 105°F, you contour your body into 26 different strenuous poses. It is said that you burn about 900-1500 calories per a 90 minute class. Not only does this help relieve me of my fattage but it also helps relieve stress. For $29 a month I can attend as many class sessions as I like, which is a steal considering that each class alone is $16.
The picture to the right is of the house that I’m actually helping to build. Yesterday was my first go at it since my Pepperdine PVC days, but this experience was definitely more rewarding. There were only five volunteers at this site, 3 women and 2 men. Can I just say I felt pretty badass lifting a 200 lb beam over my head onto the soon to be roof? From 7:30 am to 2:00 pm I lifted things that were heavier than me and hammered into the toughest wood on a two level scaffold! I’m not sure how many calories I burned that day but I can tell you that I’m sore today. This workout was not only free but I also got to help someone in need which gives me a little sense of purpose in my life of unemployment.