Growing up as a poor girl in the rich world of Newport Beach, then later on the coast of Malibu, I learned the faux importance of name brands. The popular girls & the sorority chicks had the money to wear Gucci, Louis, Fendi and Prada. However, I have never had that luxury. As a child I envied what others had, in high school I resented it, but now I know “basic bitches wear that shit so I don’t even bother.”
No, Kreayshawn did not instill this wisdom upon me, I learned this valuable lesson a while back. Name brands do not make you more special or unique they make you predictable and average amongst people who have money. Yes, name brands probably help your “swag” but so does knowing how to rock any label and having a genuine sense of style, not marketed to you buy some devil who wears Prada from vogue.
I rock everything from “hand me downs”, Goodwill, forever 21, Target, J.Crew to Urban Outfitters. When I do go to chained stores, you’ll probably find me rummaging the clearance section. I get gratification from looking good, getting compliments and knowing how little I paid for my ensemble.
It’s not the brand of clothes that matter, it’s about your individualistic style and that is priceless.
As they wise Kreayshawn says, “all you basic ass hoes out there, man I got a room full of bad bitches, they don’t need Gucci, they don’t need Louis #SWAGGIN”
It’s October BITCHES!!!! The month of my favorite holiday. Let’s be honest Christmas is overrated, Halloween is the real highlight of the year. It’s the only holiday that exceeds the magic of your childhood. As a child you went skitzo over the anticipation of the best sugar high of the year and awesome costumes. As an adult you go skitzo over the parties, candy, alcohol and R-rated costumes.
Being a poor rager meant I had to get a bit creative concerning my costumes. Here are some of my creations. Maybe you can get some inspiration to raid your closet and see what inexpensive creations you can design.
Where’s Waldo? ($10)
- Red & White Striped Shirt
- Plain White Beanie
- Red Material From Old Red Shirts
Cut red material and my gay BFF sewed stripes onto the beanie and voila you have a striped hat & stripped T-Shirt. Top it off with your prescribed glasses or buy some fake ones at the 99 Cent store.
Josie & The Pussycat Dolls: Meow ($5)
Dress in black, draw in some whiskers and paw prints and voila you’re puurty cat.
Obama Girl ($10)
- Patriotic ribbon
- Iron on – printing paper
Tie red white and blue ribbon anywhere you see fit. On your head as a head band or around your leg fastened to a sexy garter. Iron on “Obama Girl” to a patriotic colored shirt and voila you’re an awesome democrat!
Nicki Minaj / Leather Dominatrix ($20)
- Pink Wig
- Anything (p)leather
Honestly you just need a purple wig and an outrageous outfit for this one. The wig is a bit pricey but it’s a $20 investment for any great outrageous occasion.
Put on your best zebra print or buy some from forever 21 or walmart, be creative with the make up and hair and voila you’re an animal but of course we already knew this.
PS: If you don’t have a gay bff who likes to sew, than Goodwill will fill that void and make sure you look amazing despite your penny pinching ways.
I don’t have enough time to sugar coat the reality of my alma mater’s social reputation. I mean it’s kind of too late. It made headlines this year as being ranked the 5th douchiest college by GQ magazine. But Seriously… most kids come from money and an extreme sense of entitlement plagues the majority of students. It’s like high school all over again but WORST.
Anyhow many first year students feel as though they have to go greek to broaden their network of friends. But it’s sooo not true. The reality is that college is only a temporary stage of life and after paying thousands of dollars to be part of an “exclusive” network, reality sets in and you’ll once again be thrown into the pits of a new environment and have to make new friends.
Luckily my poor ass has never had to pay for friends or be suspicious of my friends interests in my material things. My broke ass has made friends the old fashion way… winning them through my personality, wit and humor.
In college I made friends through class, friends and parties but now that I do not have the social comfort of school I have found new ways of meeting new people.
1.) When out and about on your way to a pub on public transit too drunk to drive, make convo with the person sitting next to you. In fact talk to everyone in a hearing radius of you. You might get invited to an awesome spotlight themed party at an art gallery turned bar where you meet even more people.
2.) As you stumble out drunk out of one bar searching for the next, talk to other bar hoppers on the street. They could be the neighbors you haven’t met yet.
3.) When bored at home with nothing to do go to couchsurf.com and hit the locals up. Meet up for a picnic in the park and Trivia at a Bar. They could be your new rage buddies
4. ) Facebook living in the same area. Catch up. Maybe a new city is the perfect medium for friendship growth.
Being poor does limit my entertainment abilities. You can’t watch Netflix all day, otherwise your eyes begin to twitch from too many “bad calls” on streamed movies . So after a Netflix binge on watching the entire season of ABC Family’s “Switched at Birth” in one day, I knew I had to call it quits on my bad TV addiction.
The Cure? An old fashioned book. But the only books I’ve been lugging around for the past four years have been ridiculously priced text books. I needed something new. I decided that going to the the local library would be the perfect way a frugal nutcase like me could get some entertainment.
But I was WRONG! The local library was closed for remodeling. But why does the library need remodeling? No one cares about the decor, when was the last time someone visited the library for its ambiance.? … NEVER! Anyhow my bff, Kyle suggested we go to a second hand bookstore.
The second hand bookstore had books for 1/3 of the price or less than what you would find at Barnes & Noble. Some books did look ancient and others were in mint condition. I had no idea what I wanted to read. After all I just finished an entire season of a terrible TV show. I did not trust my judgment of entertainment. But then I saw the sign…. QUEER BOOKS! Bingo!
I’ve never read any queer fiction, but have always secretly searched for their presence in other book stores. I browsed through all the titles in the lesbian section and decided on two books. One is a lesbian love story/murder mystery and the other is just a lesbian love story… but literally, that was the title: Anna’s Country: A Lesbian Love Story.
I should have known not to trust my intuition that day. Because once again I picked some bad entertainment. Anna’s Country, is by far the worst book I have ever read! Not only does it reinforce deligitimazing sterotypes about lesbians it’s poorly written with tons of mispelling and gramatical errors. Oh and it’s extremly outdated too, haven been written in 1980. I mean the author uses the phrase “far out” way too many times for my comfort.
Anyhow though my choices in books was a major failure, I am glad that I purchased 3 books for $17. Also when I’m done with them, I can trade them for another book, FOR FREE. That’s right FREE. My favorite word.
College just didn’t put me in the hole $30,000 it also gave me 30lbs of extra fattage. With the recent downturn in the economy and my unemployment status, I’m learning ways to shed weight without shedding the dough.
My gay anorexic BFF lives by the motto “If you’re hungry today, eat tomorrow!” But let’s face it, this bitch loves cake. Everyone knows they can lose weight and scapegoat exercise equipment and gym memberships by walking, running, and swimming for free. But that gets old and boring and demands too much dedication and hyperventilation.
Instead I’d rather sweat balls and nail something. Although it’s not sex, working out in a Bikram Yoga studio and building houses with Habitat for Humanity is just as hot and satisfies even more of my needs.
Bikram Yoga or Hot Yoga is an intense work out. You sweat like crazy! In a room heated to 105°F, you contour your body into 26 different strenuous poses. It is said that you burn about 900-1500 calories per a 90 minute class. Not only does this help relieve me of my fattage but it also helps relieve stress. For $29 a month I can attend as many class sessions as I like, which is a steal considering that each class alone is $16.
The picture to the right is of the house that I’m actually helping to build. Yesterday was my first go at it since my Pepperdine PVC days, but this experience was definitely more rewarding. There were only five volunteers at this site, 3 women and 2 men. Can I just say I felt pretty badass lifting a 200 lb beam over my head onto the soon to be roof? From 7:30 am to 2:00 pm I lifted things that were heavier than me and hammered into the toughest wood on a two level scaffold! I’m not sure how many calories I burned that day but I can tell you that I’m sore today. This workout was not only free but I also got to help someone in need which gives me a little sense of purpose in my life of unemployment.